You’ve probably seen the ads for Subway’s latest release: the Flatizza. I had a two-week long internal battle over whether to try it or not, and I’d like to save you from the same struggle. Here’s a quiz to figure out if the Flatizza is right for you:
1. What’s most important to your overall pizza experience?
c. The sauce, duh.
d. Crust, bro.
2. How do you feel about Lunchables Pizza?
a. Love it!
b. It’s okay, I guess. If I’m feelin’ nostalgic.
d. Never had it. (PS – I’m sorry your childhood sucked)
3. How do you like your crust?
a. Thin and crunchy.
b. Dipped in stuff!
c. Filled with cheese.
d. Thick or deep.
4. How much food do you need to feel full?
a. Not that much, really.
b. An average amount?
c. A lot.
d. I’m never full.
3 points for every “a”
2 points for every “b”
and zero points for “c” or “d”
If you got 8-12 points:
Congratulations! You will probably like the Flatizza. You might not really, really like it, because that might be impossible. But you should at least try it while they’re 2 for 5 dollars.
You won’t hate it, but I wouldn’t recommend taking the chance. Get yourself a nice sandwich instead. I hear this one is fairly mediocre, but turkey with honey mustard is always a solid choice.
Don’t do it! In fact, you’ll probably hate it so much that you’ll never want Subway again. It’s best to just play it safe and stay loyal to Taco Bell.
I got the veggie Flatizza and loaded it with spinach, tomatoes, jalapenos, and sweet onion sauce (because it’s my true love). The cheese was abundant and delicious, and that’s where the Flatizza truly shines. The toppings were great because you can get as many as you want with no extra charge.
The crust wasn’t particularly enjoyable. I generally like crunchy food, but this was just too much. Thin crust is typically like pizza on a wonderful cracker, but the Flatizza is more akin to an ultra-thick piece of matzah. Then again, Passover is coming up.
Now we need to talk about the sauce. It’s difficult for me to speak ill of sauce, but this shit is TERRIBLE. Seriously, it might be the worst marinara sauce I’ve ever had. And that’s coming from someone who loves Lunchables pizza sauce.
Anyway, I hope this has helped you decide whether or not a Subway-run is in your future.